I’m on Facebook. Look, right here… I’m happy if you want to add me. Like most of you in this wonderous world of uber-communication, I love a new introduction.
Well, that’s actually not true. I don’t.
If you are a stranger and I let you into my deviant little profile, your lucky. You’re even luckier if you get to stay. If I add you, you will also have to do what it says on the tin.. COMMUNICATE… If you add me and don’t communicate or at least poke, throw a sheep at or abuse me (this includes filthy, playful messages), you get fucking deleted it’s that simple. But more importantly, if you are a stranger or you are to anyone else…
Don’t just add me.
Introduce yourself, especially when you have no mutual friends as me. Per example, today I received a request from this guy ’seeking men’ (which happens a lot) in a suit, grinning away in his profile photo, gormelessly in his pug ugliness and tight fitting M&S threads. This gives you some idea the sort of man I attract.
Now I realise that I am a sexy piece of ass (this is more than made aware to me on a daily basis) especially if you are into pale, skinny guys with man breasts, funny hair, big nose and a small penis but again, why not attach some sort of introduction to your nonsense. As I said, we had no ‘mutual friends’ so I asked him, curious loike:
Me: “Who are you, please?”
Friend: “the resident PUA. Just noticed you reading the Game.” (Now I should probably have expected this maybe being attached to this book through Facebook, despite it being about a MAN who picks up WOMEN)
Me: “PUA?”
Friend: “Pick-up artist”
Me: “Resident of where exactly…”
Friend: “Cleveland” (we didn’t get as far as to find out whether he meant my Cleveland or the one in Ohio)
Me: “Well, sorry for putting a dent into your record. Adios Chubs… x”
Friend: “Bye Mark. You faggot.”
I’m the faggot?
Now, referring to his weight was probably a bit harsh (I was in a humourous mood in mood for some abuse and he tried to pick me up, so fuck his fat ass) but these perverts need to earn a lesson and none of us likes a pervert, do we?
Oh, wait…
Now, this whole back and forth of name calling could have gone on all day but I would have gotten bored at some point anyway, what with me having the advantage over him being a toothless tubby bastard and all (with only 9 virtual friends) so I blocked him and reported him to the administrators instead for harrassment and whereas that harrassment was more like ‘being humoured’, he caught me during a very random moment where I lacked a sense of humour .
..and I have enough ugly gay men on my friends list anyway. (Just kidding)
Maybe reading ‘The Game’ will fix whatever it is about me that turns me into man candy so much, but then I probably doubt it (I only want to read it because Courtney is in it and it was 25p in the Age Concern on Harrow Road that I went in to dump some old videos) because the sexism and dishonesty in it will probably make me throw it into the Grand Union canal at some point anyway.
I mean, it’s not like I have nothing else to read working in a bookshop…
